I Must Be Old

Does time really go faster? When I was young, this always seemed like what grown-ups would say; after all, didn't Christmas take for-EVER, and Halloween take for-EVER to get here?? I used to overhear my mom and dad talk about how fast we kids were growing up, how the time was just flying by, how there was never any time to get stuff done. I always thought this was ridiculous. Now that I am a mom, I really think time IS going faster.

I mentioned in my last post (yes, I know it was weeks ago) how the retail sector pushes us forward against our will. I think there is a secret society made up of retail executives who all get together and plan to start the "season" one day earlier every year. As a result, we start thinking about Halloween in August, Thanksgiving in September, and Christmas starts the second the clock strikes twelve on Halloween night, sort of like a Cinderella-in-waiting. Because of this, I constantly feel behind; I am not yet finished with my normal day to day stuff before the other stuff intrudes: how big of a Turkey to buy, how many twinkle lights to put out this year, or what do the kids want in their stockings (do I even know where the stockings are)? Pushing against this force of nature that constantly pushes us forward is hard to do. I want to stand still sometimes; to get off the train and walk around a little bit before the train takes off to the next station. Or walk beside the cart for a while instead of constantly running behind it keeping the apples that fall off from hitting the ground. Candice and I laugh about how our lives are like a huge house of cards, delicately balanced, one card on top of the next. Remove a card from the bottom and a whole section falls down. There is constantly something going on; the lunches at the preschool, the birthdays at the elementary school, the opening of "the movie" (New Moon - YAY!), the early drives to school for tutoring sessions, swim practice and coaching. I find myself yearning for the holiday to actually come and go so that I don't have to worry about it anymore. And then of course, the guilt sets in as I realize that I am wishing away my life.

Next week, we have time off. The swim schedule changes so that we are done by noon. Thanksgiving will be here and we will sit down and count our blessings as birds in the hand. "The movie" will have been released and I can go see it during the day without any screaming 12 year-olds sitting next to me yelling every time Edward or Jacob comes on the screen (double yay!). We will begin the decorating for Christmas and thinking about presents. I can watch as the kids look at all the ornaments and laugh and remember. The point is, I have much to look forward to. The real point is, I don't want to be too caught up in the future to miss the present. -K

Where has all the time gone?

Wow, has another week (or 2?) gone by already? Life seems to be rushing by me in blurs as I continue to trudge my road. It is sort of like when you see an old friend after an extended time, her kids have grown at the same rate that your kids have, but you still see them as small in your head. When you finally wake up and see the world, it almost seems different with the things you've missed. We are fully past Halloween and fully in to the Christmas season. This is why I always feel behind, I think. The retail sector is constantly pushing me, pushing me into the next "pre-this" or "pre-that" season sale. I never feel like I have time to enjoy the season that we are in right now.

I picked up my son from preschool yesterday after spending the entire morning at the aquatic center setting up for the weekend swim meet. I had just ended the Birthday Extravaganza (3 weeks of birthdays and all the cupcakes that come with that - see earlier post) by making 6 (yes, 6) pans of macaroni and cheese - thanks to Ina Garten for THAT recipe! - for the coaches and officials. Plus, had spent all kinds of money - thanks to Costco - on all kinds of food. These goodies had to be delivered to and set up for the meet that began on Friday and will conclude on Sunday. I digress. When Ben's teacher told me to "have a great weekend", I was jarred into reality. At first I really did think she had made a mistake because it really couldn't be the weekend already, could it? Wow. I was wrong, it WAS Friday! Looking at Ben's school calendar showed me that their week off for Thanksgiving is only 2 weeks away! Where has all the time gone?

Thankfully, this meet will be over by tomorrow night. It is sort of like preparing for a big party, all the hard work comes the days before; by the time the party comes, all I have to do is sit back and watch. When the meet is over however, the real season begins and I already feel behind! I think what I will do is try to sit back and watch; try to really put down on paper the things I am thankful for. This is one of the hardest things to do when I am "in the trenches" of motherhood. Everyone knows what I'm talking about: the sick kids who need breathing treatments and steamy showers at 2am, the sheets that need to be changed in the middle of the night, the endless driving, the endless cooking and my favorite - the absolute imperative item that someone MUST have for school that day (that they just told you about as your sleep deprived mind is trying to help you pour the coffee IN the cup - is this salt or sugar that I like in my coffee?)

I AM thankful for all that I have. My family is very large and (relatively) healthy. I have a roof over my head (a nice roof) and we have 2 cars that help transport said family. I have a great extended family and tremendous friends. I am even thankful for the strangers that enter my life, those that make the comments about said family as they provide me a reason to laugh. If I had a nickle for all the comments, I could hire a "Hazel" (pop-culture reference from the 70s). My favorite of all time being the earnest question from a stranger as to whether all my kids had the same father. Oh, the things I WANTED to say....

I am thankful for my Bella and Edward obsession as it encourages me to read new and different works. I am thankful for my swimming as it allows my mind to sharpen and see things as they are. I will try to focus on these things as those old Calgon commercials play in my head. "Calgon, take me away...." - K