SCARY

Ok - so a while back I posted a quote from Marianne Williamson about being the person God created you to be and how freakin' scary that is. I have since tried to embrace this and impart it into my life. Being the best you can be requires such effort! I cook, I drive, I wash clothes, I write, I read, I sew. It seems all so simple, but really it isn't.

I have recently made some new friends and continued to connect with old friends who have encouraged me to do this very thing. God has totally put them in my life for a reason. As scary as it is and as freaked out as I am about some stuff, I know that He has a plan for my life.

We have been watching the Olympics - as have just about everyone else in the country, but watching these athletes fulfill their destinies, I am struck by the confidence and the absolute convictions they hold. How do they know these things? Aren't they plagued by the same insecurities and issues that we all have? The voices that whisper to you that you aren't good enough or that you don't have what it takes. The Screwtape and Wormtail issues that CS Lewis told us about.

I am here to tell you, walking out on that limb that God holds out with one hand is just about the scariest thing in the world. I am filled with all sorts of self-doubt and self-esteem issues but I know that if I follow God's plan and not MY plan, things are bound to work the way they should. -K

The Times That Try Men's Souls

Where to start? I could start by complaining, but I won't. In times like these, I try very hard to remember the good things in life and how, for the most part, my life is wonderful. Most of my kids are healthy, my house is fairly clean, I have many, many things to keep me busy, I have a strong marriage. My life hasn't been turned upside down by an earthquake (as an aside - donate to the Red Cross to help Haiti - click the link to the left). Overall, life is good and I shouldn't complain. So think of this as musing, not complaining.

We had a great swim meet this weekend. This was one of the 3 biggest regular meets that our team hosts, being a prelim/final. We fed over 60 people three meals a day for 2 1/2 days. Everything went off without a hitch, including our "hospitality magic" that was wielded on Sunday night as we had to make dinner for 50 out of nothing. Exhausting as it was, we shared many, many laughs, a few tense and dramatic moments with the kids and some great swimming. The flip side to such careful planning is that we are away from our families for the entire weekend and they are on their own for the duration. The widowed husbands are left to figure out dinners and lunches and breakfasts, naps and diapers and sibling fights. I consider it good parent training because the husbands can become too dependent sometimes.

Thankfully, we had a day to recover before having to jump back into the school schedule today. This morning I am waking up to a sick child (the dramatic, throw-up sick), and a screaming baby whose ear tube surgery can't get here quickly enough! There is no food in the house (see above paragraph for the explanation why), and a husband who is going out of town. In addition to this, I have a deadline looming for a client's drapes and my machine is in the shop hopefully to be "sprung" today. Mt. Tide is growing exponentially because the washing machine is leaking water and the repairman isn't scheduled until tomorrow. Do I sound like I'm complaining? I apologize.

Times like this demand that I rise to the occasion. I hate rising to the occasion; but I must. I will hunker down and prioritize. What is most important? I can do this and get through it. After all, it isn't like my house is torn apart by an earthquake. - K

Freebies

We have a snow day! As if I were the twelve year old facing the prospect of having to go to school the next day, I stayed up ridiculously late last night anxiously watching for our school system to appear at the bottom of the news screen. When it finally did, this crazy glee settled over me because we'd been give a FREEBIE! The release of one's regular responsibilities for one day can infuse a happiness that is palpable throughout the whole household. It doesn't really matter that there is not even enough snow to prevent the grass blades from poking through, or that the temperature is frigidly (and I mean really frigid - high in the 20s) cold with a wind chill to boot. The excitement on the kids' faces will be worth any amount of wet, dirty clothes and drippy footprints everywhere. My job now will be to provide copious amounts of hot chocolate and fireplaces to warm their frozen fingers.

However, one can't escape the constant question of the day: what do we have for dinner? The corny, homespun, memory-maker in me wants to make a meal like chili or stew or something equally comforting and enveloping. But the mother in me knows that, for whatever reason, the kids will not be overly excited about that "meal in a bowl" concept. The "meat and three" formula is more up their alley. Have I failed as a mother? Obviously I have. Why won't they embrace the warm, meat and vegetable melange of a thick beef stew with carrots and potatoes? Add a side of crispy-on-the-outside french bread and a fresh, cold salad and life is complete. Warms your body and your mind! There are visions of cabins, lightly falling snow, flickering fires, fingerless mittens, smiling children who get along with one another...ahh, I can see it now.

Ugh. Back to reality. A reality which includes inane arguments, whiny children (because it's cold and they are exhausted), and a general dissension amongst the troops when dinner is presented. Do I sound cynical? Hopefully I am overstating this a little and the atmosphere today will remain happy and carefree. I will do my best to ensure that it does because ultimately, the kids turn to me to maintain the right attitude. I promise not to freak out when they leave all the bits of their drippy winter attire all over the floor, or when the muddy footprints dot the carpet. I promise to keep my eye on the ball and remember that today is a freebie with my kids, even if they do complain about the food. After all, that's nothing new. - K